J

Relationship requires a lot of effort.

This I learned through friendships strained by distance. I am not really good at long distance relationships. I find it difficult and tedious to keep in touch through the internet. Maybe my detachment stems from the feeling that it doesn’t actually feel like you’re talking to a person when you’re reading an email or when you’re chatting through YM.

One of my best friends moved to China because of her work. It has been months since I really talked to her. And I wanted so badly to tell her about the things that are happening to me. Not serious things, really. Just day to day nothingness that usually make their way to her through a text message or a phone call. But now that she’s miles away, an email of, say, how I thought I elicited the attention of a certain med student, doesn’t really seem appropriate. Parang I feel that it would just take up a bulk of her email space. So I just let nothingness after nothingness pass and when I finally catch her online and she asks what the “latest” is, nothing of significance comes to mind.

I rarely update her. And it saddens me that I couldn’t go the extra mile to send her a worthwhile email.

My “China” friend and I are separated by distance. And it’s difficult. But I also have friendships that are strained not because of distance but by well, I really don’t know. A few posts ago I said I became cold and indifferent. So maybe it started there. I just got tired of texting and replying to text messages. I was so caught up with everything I had to do and I lost track of everything and everyone else. I don’t do well in multi-tasking. And my puny brain could only handle so much trouble. When I set my mind on a goal, I focus and forget everything else.

So my relationships were strained. And I’m trying to get them back in shape. But it takes effort and time. I’m learning. And I just want my friends to know (especially my fashion police, my wedding dress designer, my ultimate “kakampi”) that I miss the great friendships I share with you all.

I miss how we could just stay up well into the night and just talk about anything. I miss how we could just decide to meet up and pig out on pizza and ice cream. I miss how you could make me feel better by taking my side even if I know that you’re a bit biased. I miss how we could spend the afternoon just mall ratting. I miss you, more than words could say. And heck, I know you’ll say I’m baduy and jologs, but who cares. I know you miss me too.

I've heard people complain about technology cutting personal relationships and replacing them with cyber ones. But when put into a situation where personal relationships are severed by distance, technology is one fine friend.