Flapping

Today, I conquered my fear. (haha) I finished my oral surgery, complicated extraction requirement today. It's a big deal for me since during my first few cases in OS, I was trembling with fear. I guess most clinicians were. But I was so scared then that I almost always needed Gayle to be there with me to tell me what to do.

Earlier today, I did my flap procedure, still, with Gayle (and Bebang). In flap procedures, you would incise the "gums" and reflect it to see the bone beneath. More often than not, bone has to be drilled to extract the tooth. Ok, this is way too technical. I inserted a (WARNING)graphic photo so that you would know what it looks like.

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I'm sorry. I just wanted to brag. Feel na feel ko e! Parang totoong dentist lang. :wink:

Lukewarm

Indifference is very precarious. I hate the concept of being completely unaffected by things, people or events. People were crafted with built – in emotional triggers and we are supposed to react. But I just can’t understand how some people could just crawl into little shells and be blissfully ignorant of the things outside their puny worlds.

I’m frustrated because lately I have noticed that I myself am retreating into my own shell. As far as I know, I love people. A friend even told me that I am irritatingly cheery most of the time. She said it fascinates her that I would say hi to almost everyone I come across with at school. But for weeks now, I just feel so subdued and apathetic toward others. I would just say it in Filipino because I can’t think of a word that fully captures what I’m trying to say. “Sawa ako.”

I don’t know why. And I don’t think it’s because of certain people’s behavior because it’s not just one person, it’s everyone!

Maybe I’m just so engrossed on trying to finish my requirements. And maybe I’m just tired and worn out.

So friends, please forgive my “halfheartedness”. I don’t mean to be mean, and it’s not that I don’t care. I’m still figuring it out. Sooner or later I have to return to my old “irritatingly” cheery self, but for now, just let me be “sawa”.

I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am. ~Sylvia Plath