We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future, as if figuring it out will cushion the blow. But the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes. But one thing is certain when it finally reveals itself. The future is never the way we imagined it. (Grey's Anatomy)
I have always been a planner. Ok, maybe I’m not the typical organized “OC” that has an itinerary every single day. I don’t plan for my short term goals. I plan for the big ones.
When someone asks me where I want to be in five years, I’ll give an answer in a jiffy. No hesitations. No pauses. I have it all planned out; perfectly to the last detail. Ask me what I’ll be doing after I finally graduate from dental school, and I’ll narrate every single plan in a heartbeat.
Not having plans scare the hell out of me. I feel disoriented whenever things don’t go my way. It’s frustrating when people don’t do what I want. And it’s painful when I can’t even live up to what I have decided to do. Plans are necessities, at least for me.
It was just recently that I realized that making plans, at least solid, step by step plans, is useless. I daydream about the future and what I want it to be like. I plan for it. But who’s to say that will happen? Even in my greatest efforts to think about my future, the circumstances, events, people – they are all out of my hands. Things could change. I could change.
So I figured I won’t fuss. Things will happen, when they happen, if they will happen. I keep on pining for my ideal life in the future. But I just got hit by reality. This is my life. No one could say I have a life ahead of me. This is it. I have to live for the moment, not yearning for anything else. I have to do what I can, enjoy what I can, hope for the best, and just live.
Trust is a very difficult thing for me. But I’ll learn.
I have always been a planner. Ok, maybe I’m not the typical organized “OC” that has an itinerary every single day. I don’t plan for my short term goals. I plan for the big ones.
When someone asks me where I want to be in five years, I’ll give an answer in a jiffy. No hesitations. No pauses. I have it all planned out; perfectly to the last detail. Ask me what I’ll be doing after I finally graduate from dental school, and I’ll narrate every single plan in a heartbeat.
Not having plans scare the hell out of me. I feel disoriented whenever things don’t go my way. It’s frustrating when people don’t do what I want. And it’s painful when I can’t even live up to what I have decided to do. Plans are necessities, at least for me.
It was just recently that I realized that making plans, at least solid, step by step plans, is useless. I daydream about the future and what I want it to be like. I plan for it. But who’s to say that will happen? Even in my greatest efforts to think about my future, the circumstances, events, people – they are all out of my hands. Things could change. I could change.
So I figured I won’t fuss. Things will happen, when they happen, if they will happen. I keep on pining for my ideal life in the future. But I just got hit by reality. This is my life. No one could say I have a life ahead of me. This is it. I have to live for the moment, not yearning for anything else. I have to do what I can, enjoy what I can, hope for the best, and just live.
Trust is a very difficult thing for me. But I’ll learn.
2 comments:
missed reading your blog entries sis. :)
I missed writing them.
Thanks sis. You've always been a "patient" reader. haha
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