In grade school it was about having the right label on your bag (Jansport), munching on the right snacks (Pringles, Lays), hanging around with the “cool” people, and listening to the hit singles of the boy bands, Boyzone and Backstreet boys.
During high school, it was more of showing off how brilliant you are by participating in as many co curricular activities as you can; joining the music club, writing for the paper, being an officer of the English club. Also it was about enumerating as many names as you can of boys who officially had, or assumingly had crushes on you.
Independence is more pronounced during college, or so they say. During this time, it was about attending the right kind of parties, drinking the right kind (and amount) of booze, having the same ideals as most of your school mates and yes having lots of money to spend on lazy hours in the mall.
“Coolness”. I was always trying to achieve the right kind of cool. Ever since I learned that there was such a thing as an “in” crowd, I vehemently worked my ass to be integrated. I was trying to imitate people who seem to have achieved “it”. I was trying to like the things they like just so I could be labeled, “cool”.
At some point, I succeeded. And I foolishly convinced myself that I was having fun. In the midst of the boisterous music, the smoke – filled air and the alcohol laden crowd, I was pretending to enjoy. It would seem that I was having the time of my life, but in the quest to find the “right kind of cool”, I lost myself.
I used to think that people would like me because I am a “cool” person. But I have learned that people would like me better if I would be true.
This writing spree was triggered by some lonesomeness I was feeling throughout this week. But no need to elaborate. I just needed to vent.
2.2.09
The Loner in Me
The long bus rides and the nauseating minutes in the LRT have brought out the loner in me.
Lately, I’ve been having lunch alone, been going to Rob alone, been going through clinics alone.. And it surprises me how comfortable I am with it. Before my exile… haha.. I mean, before, I would be restless whenever I have to stay in the condo alone. I’ll text message my friends to find out where they are and if they wanted to do something together. It has always been awkward for me to be by myself. But lately, not intentionally though, I have been a loner; Gayle doesn’t go to school much (pati na rin si Che at Isay..), Paulo has Joni.. and well, I’m usually left all to myself.
I’ve gotten use to it, I guess. It sometimes gets pretty lonely.. I feel forlorn and friendless! Haha. But I know that’s not true. I know my friends are still there, it’s just that I can’t spend much time with them anymore.
It’s an accomplishment though; being able to go throughout the day not needing anyone. I somehow feel I’m on the brink of independence. Most of the people I know have realized by now that I am too sheltered. And that’s why I feel somehow liberated – not needing anyone but myself.
I enjoy being alone; I have time to think or to just stare out at NLEX. But I think I’m very much a people person at heart. Miss Congeniality nga sabi ni Anna Michelle. (haha) So I better get sociable again and figure out how I’m going to spend time with my friends.
Lately, I’ve been having lunch alone, been going to Rob alone, been going through clinics alone.. And it surprises me how comfortable I am with it. Before my exile… haha.. I mean, before, I would be restless whenever I have to stay in the condo alone. I’ll text message my friends to find out where they are and if they wanted to do something together. It has always been awkward for me to be by myself. But lately, not intentionally though, I have been a loner; Gayle doesn’t go to school much (pati na rin si Che at Isay..), Paulo has Joni.. and well, I’m usually left all to myself.
I’ve gotten use to it, I guess. It sometimes gets pretty lonely.. I feel forlorn and friendless! Haha. But I know that’s not true. I know my friends are still there, it’s just that I can’t spend much time with them anymore.
It’s an accomplishment though; being able to go throughout the day not needing anyone. I somehow feel I’m on the brink of independence. Most of the people I know have realized by now that I am too sheltered. And that’s why I feel somehow liberated – not needing anyone but myself.
I enjoy being alone; I have time to think or to just stare out at NLEX. But I think I’m very much a people person at heart. Miss Congeniality nga sabi ni Anna Michelle. (haha) So I better get sociable again and figure out how I’m going to spend time with my friends.
Hell Ride
Anyone who has ridden the LRT would say that, during rush hour, the LRT is one hell of a ride.
After the Christmas break I have ridden in the LRT everyday! During the morning people are in a hurry to get to work. Late in the afternoon, people are in the hurry to get home. And it’s just so frustrating how they could be so rude. I have experienced being jabbed, poked, pushed and pulled. People would push their way into the train, pushing everyone aside if they have to. I usually didn’t have to walk; the rush of rude people would just carry me into the train.
Astonishingly, I have also observed that women could be harsher then men. I rarely see men pushing one another just so they could beat the buzzer and get into the train. Also, in buses, men usually give their seats to women.
Oh but there was this one incident that I just have to blog about;
I woke up one morning feeling pretty good because I have had a good night’s rest. I was very positive about the day. When I got into the bus, I didn’t complain that it was not air-conditioned since it was a bit cold that morning. I relished the fact that it was a good morning and I had the cool morning breeze blowing ever so gently at my face. I had my ipod on and I really felt that I was in a music video. Suddenly I saw a boy seating in front me starting to puke. I wasn’t really good at gross stuff so I distracted myself by looking out the window. After a while I felt something dripping on my feet. You probably could guess what that was, right? Disgusting. I called the mother’s attention to it and I squirmed as I couldn’t clean my feet right away.
Ugh! But I decided I wouldn’t ruin my day just because my feet have drops of another human being’s breakfast! Haha! Anyway, this is just one of the most disgusting things that has happened to me! And I think it’s worth blogging! Haha!
I guess I’ll be writing more commuting anecdotes from now on. Sana lang not that gross next time!
After the Christmas break I have ridden in the LRT everyday! During the morning people are in a hurry to get to work. Late in the afternoon, people are in the hurry to get home. And it’s just so frustrating how they could be so rude. I have experienced being jabbed, poked, pushed and pulled. People would push their way into the train, pushing everyone aside if they have to. I usually didn’t have to walk; the rush of rude people would just carry me into the train.
Astonishingly, I have also observed that women could be harsher then men. I rarely see men pushing one another just so they could beat the buzzer and get into the train. Also, in buses, men usually give their seats to women.
Oh but there was this one incident that I just have to blog about;
I woke up one morning feeling pretty good because I have had a good night’s rest. I was very positive about the day. When I got into the bus, I didn’t complain that it was not air-conditioned since it was a bit cold that morning. I relished the fact that it was a good morning and I had the cool morning breeze blowing ever so gently at my face. I had my ipod on and I really felt that I was in a music video. Suddenly I saw a boy seating in front me starting to puke. I wasn’t really good at gross stuff so I distracted myself by looking out the window. After a while I felt something dripping on my feet. You probably could guess what that was, right? Disgusting. I called the mother’s attention to it and I squirmed as I couldn’t clean my feet right away.
Ugh! But I decided I wouldn’t ruin my day just because my feet have drops of another human being’s breakfast! Haha! Anyway, this is just one of the most disgusting things that has happened to me! And I think it’s worth blogging! Haha!
I guess I’ll be writing more commuting anecdotes from now on. Sana lang not that gross next time!
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